Paula could not think to tell anyone that she was not herself but she knew it every time she interacted with someone or anytime she tried to do anything. Her mind was blank. Too blank to even say so. . She could not remember what to say. She could only react. She could not volunteer anything. Paula thinks that she might have been able to respond if asked whether she was feeling like herself. She could not think of words to explain her state but she could use the words of others. She could respond with a yes or a no. Paula is pretty sure she could answer no, she was definitely not herself. If asked how she was not herself she most likely would have answered “I don’t know”. When asked if she was depressed she said no. She was asked the wrong question. She was not depressed, in fact. She lost her personal memory of herself – there is a difference. And who would think to ask her that. It was the reason she was “strange”. It was the reason she was “not herself”. Herself was lost.
What is also misunderstood is that her subjective memory loss was long lasting yet transient and recoverable.